They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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