Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
