Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
