i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
