Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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