I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
