I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
