if you like me you must not know who I am
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
