My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
