I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
