You're my little dorito
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
