do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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