Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Randomize
