three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
These tits shall not be calmed
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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