Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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