nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
