That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
