I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
