And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
