I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
