Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
