I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
