I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
