I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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