Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
