I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We are all done wearing pants today
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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