I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
