3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
