My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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