I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
