We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
