He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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