Why are handjobs necessary in class?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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