Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
