Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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