apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
ttyl tear gas
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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