i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you traded sex for a burrito?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
