i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
