just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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