I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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