Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
