she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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