just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
