just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you inspire me to be a worse person
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
