I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
