Umm I'm too high to move.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
