It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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