I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
