U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
