booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
high people should be assigned attendants
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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