I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
