saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
it was like eating out sand paper
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This is classic penis vs brain.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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