Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
