Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
