I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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